what a man-thing fears

For the second time, in just three days, he's come face to face with fear.

It began over the weekend.

He brought her an early Saturday morning that was torturous. He wanted to speak his mind but he couldn't find the right words. The thing was that he was more angry at himself than at her. It seemed like there was only one thing driving him nuts.

That she had the capacity to unmake him.

In so many jargons and perhaps some strong words, he insinuated that he's done.

She cried, tenderly at first, and started to pour out her heart. She listed a million things she wanted to do for and with him, the difficult realities she had to be content with and what she has to go through just to protect whatever they have.

Still, in the end, he asked her, Why don't you just break up with me?

She couldn't. Instead, she tossed back the question.

Quickly, he fell into the gape without really thinking and stated, I'm breaking up with you.

Her sobs were quicker to fall.

This time, when she cried, it was so intense that it scared him. She coughed in between her tears, a sign that she was forgetting to breathe.

I take it back. I'm so sorry. Please stop crying, he pleaded. There was an instant realization that he didn't have it to crush her heart. Or suffocate her with his rudeness.

He never intended to be harsh. The truth was that he was rotting in his own silence and that made him the bad fellow.

His insides were slowly being eaten by jealousy. He wanted to run away from it. It's just not him anymore.

Fortunately, they sailed through that Saturday morning storm. Still together.

Looking back, if things didn't turn out alright, this man would be missing her little demands.

Kiss. Hug. Spoon.

She'd ask these cute favors from him as soon as they get together. Soemtimes, these favors would come in that order.

SHE: I love you.I love your grin.I love your voice. I love you listening to me sleep. I even love you when you're growling at me in anger. I know what you and I have. And as you've said, no matter how we try to escape this, we can't. So I've stopped running away.

HE: Well, just walk. Walk with me.

SHE: Yes, I'll walk with you. No more doubts. No more jealousy. No more fishing. That goes for you too! No more being quiet when something's eating at you. Agree?

HE: Okay.

SHE: I've also stopped fighting. Jealousy will only kill me. I'm thinking that as long as I love you, and show you how much I do, you won't do anything to hurt me. And for the record, that includes that girl you've been thinking about non-stop.

HE: (Smiles) What girl?

SHE: Good answer.

Hours later, on his own again, this man felt strange about the whole thing. He remembered that the other day he told her how happy he is. And that's true.

It's a different kind of happiness. It's like everything's brand new.

And then, he found his demon.

Suddenly, he wasn't sure if exposing his emotions was the right thing to do. It'd make him vulnerable.

If it's changing him that way, then he's going to be defenseless.

That scared him.

She was probably caught by surprise when he told her all of a sudden that he doesn't expect her to advise him when she goes out with someone else. In his mind, it was something rational to say, a gesture she'd appreciate.

Well, at least, he prayed she would understand without probing him.

He was wrong.

I'd rather tell you. What brought this about again? I thought we're good. You're just too scared to cross the line and make you and me official, she reacted.

Damn, she's good.

Is there anything wrong? Now I'm scared. Why are you scared? she continued.

The least he could do was to be honest. Slightly.

I'm still figuring it out, he replied cowardly.

* * *

kids should know that...

It has been pointed out that men and women live in different worlds when it comes to emotional expression. From early childhood most boys are exposed to fewer emotion-oriented conversations and are not encouraged to express emotions verbally. Yet, for example, the expression of rage if personal possessions or status is threatened, is seen not only as typically male, but in some situations encouraged and admired. The point is that men appear to experience exactly the same emotions as women but their expression is often and typically very different. (About.com: Men's health)